You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
