wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
