I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
