it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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