My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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