he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
