you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
