sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
