At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Mom said you looked used
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
