This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
