So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
