I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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