I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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