she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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