i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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