I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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