LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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