Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sext me about skeletons
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
