she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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