I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
