whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it was like eating out sand paper
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
