i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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