Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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