So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
