Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just google imaged poop.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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