my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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