I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
