Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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