Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize