You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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