I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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