opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
