Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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