she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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