I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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