Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
