u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
