Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
