Umm I'm too high to move.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize