I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
