she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
