do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
