Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
