Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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