Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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