I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
