the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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