Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
