His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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