i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
