If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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