margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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