Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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