K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
