Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
