I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
