Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
