its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
