I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
