I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Randomize
