You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
