So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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